I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
