I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We talked him into tasing himself.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
