Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Everclear isn't food dammit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
