Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
