what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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