I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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