my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
