i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
