We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize