is your mom at the bar?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
