she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
