He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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