Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
