I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
