she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
