Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
