Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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