Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He better not be in your backpack
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
