How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize