Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
