Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love accidental penises.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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