i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
