If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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