Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
