Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
