theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
