I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
