you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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