I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
