i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
