Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
