Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
