TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
