i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
