Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
