Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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