I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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