Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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