I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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