Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
