I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
