Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
