Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
