her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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