the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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