You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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