U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pants are for mortals
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I supernannyed him into submission
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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