I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
