I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
