He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
