Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
