I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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