She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize