Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
