Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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