the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
