Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
