East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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