You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
