Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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