so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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