I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
