"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
