It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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