I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
