i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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