I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
