RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
