Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Couch. On fire.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
