I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
