Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
