and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
