Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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