Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
