Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i came on her dog
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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