guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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